Knowing What I Know About Heaven

I came across a very beautiful song after the untimely death of my niece. It's called Knowing What I Know About Heaven and Sarah Darling is one of the talented people who have a version of it. Guy Penrod is another. Both are equally touching, amazing songs, that almost celebrate the joy of arriving in heaven.

When you really think about the song, the words touch you in a most powerful way. Why on earth would I want you back? Imagine if you will, and I'm sure you all can relate to the pain and suffering of this world. Disease, emotional, physical abuse abounds. If you had the chance to walk away from all of this, have peace and comfort in your life, wouldn't you want to chose that path? I would and I would want to take all of my family and friends with me. Because who doesn't want the best for those you love the most? Can you imagine sharing this wonderful place with each other?

Of course it is heartbreaking and sad to have someone we love so much taken from us and this earth. Our hearts break for days to years after their gone. Time makes the pain lesson in severity, and God comforts us to know they are safe. It's still a void in our lives, one we can't imagine filling, and honestly never do. But then we realize how honored we are to have had them in our lives and knowing they are resting without stress and strife just makes the journey all the more special.

Why on earth would I want you back, when you are somewhere that love never ends? Knowing what I know about Heaven....puts a smile on my face and assurance in my heart, all is well. Tell those you love, that you do love them, every single day. Share the goodness of our God, who is peaceful, loving and kind. Show your friends and family all is in His will, His way, His time.

Healthcare, Pay attention!! This is my RANT!!!

I know you are technically supposed to write daily on your blog, but my life these past weeks have not given me much time to do that.  You see, my elderly Mother has been in and out of the hospital.  Mom suffers from a variety of illnesses which combined have worn her body down.  These past days have been very frustrating in determining what is going on, believe me, healthcare has lost some of it's compassion over the years.  I feel my mother would have been swept under the carpet and just sent home to die if I didn't have some form of medical knowledge.  Many of you know I have been in the medical field since 1979, even though I am not a nurse, I have functioned as one more times than not in my career, trained on the job by some of the best physicians I have been honored to work with.  For the record, I am a manager who specializes in medical billing. 

All of that aside, I feel if I hadn't started questioning, insisting at each admission, my mom would not be here today.  I do on the other hand understand the severity of her disease and appreciate that she is with us, by the grace of God still today.  Without going into all of her medical issues, I can see where many medical malpractice cases are formed.  Several things were against her at admission.  One, shortness of breath, elderly female with chronic illness, over abundance of medication, all of which could and probably did contribute to putting her in the ER. 

Am I saying you get less care if you are elderly?  I'm afraid that is what I'm thinking.  But I happen to know different as my late 40's cousin who did not have diabetes was sent home from one of our local ER's with a blood sugar in the 400's, and she didn't have a diagnosis of diabetes.  She complained of nausea and vomiting, that is all the ER doctor treated her for, her complaint.   Completely overlooked the fact that the 400 range glucose was abnormal, didn't consider treating her for it, nor did he consult anyone else about it.  She was given medication for nausea and vomiting and sent home.  He totally missed what brought her to the ER with nausea and vomiting, assuming it was the current stomach virus going around. So age doesn't seem to be the culprit with today's physicians just missing the whole picture.  I can't caution you enough, learn about your illness, your parent's, sister, brothers illnesses.  Care about those you love, because I promise you no one else will.

I also want to tell you our local ambulance service and rescue persons are quick and well trained.  However, in the area we are in, they urged us because Mom had shortness of breath and the roads were icy, to go to the nearest hospital.  The nearest hospital is inadequately staffed to care for a chronically ill person such as my mother.  This paramedic again assured me the roads were too terrible to travel to Little Rock and we needed to go to the nearest ER which was Malvern.  If she needed stitches, then Malvern was okay, but she needed more. Malvern could not help her.  He assured me if we get her to the ER and they can't care for her they will send us on to the hospital in Little Rock.  Okay, most folks around here might buy that story, but I know that doesn't work.  He even assured me all ER's were connected electronically and they could just pull her records up on the computer and she would get the same care.  (The latter of that statement was probably the only thing he got right.)

I know they are trying to get that trauma center stuff going in Arkansas, so I gave his comment the benefit of 5 minutes consideration and said No.  He knew I understood Malvern could not help her. Then he tried to convince me to travel with her to Benton, because the roads were too bad to go to Little Rock.  I motioned for my brother to join me, because this irritating paramedic was about to lose this battle quickly and I wanted a witness.

I felt really bad for this gentleman, because he didn't know me at all.  I explained to my brother they wanted to take her to the nearest ER, because of the icy roads and wanted to travel on a icy, tree shaded, curvey highway less traveled than the one to Little Rock, how once at the ER they would admit her and we would be stuck with physicians who knew nothing about mom and certainly didn't have access to her medical records at all which would delay her treatment.  Not to mention that I threw in, I think we need to take her to Little Rock ourselves since they are refusing to do so.  The paramedic listened to how I presented it and responded they weren't refusing to take her to Little Rock, but said he would go talk to the driver and we would go to Little Rock.  I might not be the smartest cookie in the package but I know how to stay out of the milk to keep from getting soggy.

While each time the care and concern our paramedics have shown my mother has been the utmost highest regard, and I totally respect them and their duties, I'm really sorry fella.  I wanted to take her on to a hospital that had immediate access and could screw her care up just a little, rather than a lot.

Until next time my friends...may God keep you all safe!

I love YOU best....

Erma Bombeck once said a family is a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. 

I never knew she was looking into our windows on a daily basis!  Had I known, I am sure she would have never seen any of us act this way.  It is so great to know others in our world react the same as we do.  I never met Erma, but have read and savored each of her quotes and stories.  In my twenties, I thought she was so funny and had a quick saying for everything.  By my thirties I knew she was telling the truth with all her quotes.   Her wit is where I find some of my best encouragement.

In 1979 she wrote, “If I had my life to live over” and I found it inspiring.  I check it frequently to see how many of the changes she felt she missed, I had taken the time to achieve. 

My children even assumed unknowingly the “mom loves you best” roles she writes about.  My oldest son and youngest daughter are always calling my middle son Mom’s favorite.  At first it really bothered me because I love each of them equally, with every ounce of my being!  Why couldn't they see that?  Then I researched Erma and found her I love you best tribute to her children. 

She wrote to three children, which is what I have.  My oldest is our tower of strength.  He’s so loving, dependable and supportive.  He gives his time to others, loves children deeply and has laughter sealed in his heart.  My middle son is very laid back.  He enjoys a good laugh and is okay for someone else to take charge.  He is a hard worker, devoted to family, and giving to those less fortunate.  My daughter, the baby, is a whirlwind of emotions, extremely outspoken and fights for every ounce of footing having two older brothers.  She loves and respects, works hard, cares for those less fortunate, shares her joys or sorrows and treats others with respect and encouragement.

Somewhere buried deep inside their elementary school papers they will find my I love you best letter to them.  I’ve written them several times over the years, to capture why I loved them at different life stages.  Maybe then it will settle this age old battle they so joyfully engage in.  It’s quite fun to watch actually.  Their eyes all light up with mischief as they start, makes my heart swell with laughter and pride that they have a connection they all agree on, that Mom loves them best.

So, with this said, I will now close and I thank my children, who I love with all my heart.  For without them, I would not be who I am today.  I love you, Mom.

Lord, open my eyes to the love around me, and help me see how much You love me through others.

Have you ever heard of a June Bug?   Well I have, but I couldn’t recall what type of bug it was, only that we caught them by flower bush Grandma Gilbert had near the corner of her house. They were hard shelled, good flyers with sturdy, prickly legs and came out at dusk.

     We would catch these bugs and tie a long piece of thread to one of its back legs.  Once released the June bug would fly but was limited to the string leash we held.  We would play for hours with these bugs.  Grandma always had a spool of thread we could use because there were a lot of us Gilbert grand kids.  It was entertainment at its best, or so we thought.

     I decided I needed to know more facts about this wonderful toy so I did some research and found it is common in late spring and summer months. It is a nocturnal insect and active at night, feeding mainly on favored plants, such as buds and flowers of shrubs and fleshy garden vegetables.

     The June bug begins as a fat white grub.  In the larval stage the June bug lives in rich humus and leaf litter. Hatching from deeply buried eggs, the grub worm feeds mainly on roots, moldy leaves, and other plant matter. It lives underground until it molts into the adult stage.

     I wasn’t surprised to learn the grub-worm is a favorite live-bait among fishermen, because I’ve used them.  I was surprised to learn it grows up to be my favored June bug. Very few fish will refuse the chance to take a grub and I suspected there was a deeper reason for my husband’s sudden interest in my flower garden.  Birds and other wild animals like them too, feeding avidly on the fat worm.

     The adult June bug is a robust insect, reaching up to two inches in length. A true beetle, it has a set of powerful wings protected by a wing case. Exterior color can vary from pale tan to dark brown or almost black.

     A chemical analysis of the June bug revealed its hidden secrets as full of edible fats and proteins.  Toasted June bugs have a surprisingly sweet delightful taste. The flavor closely resembles thick raw molasses or crudely made ribbon cane syrup.

     They say it is difficult to eat just one.  I say give me a cane pole and a bucket of grubs.  You can find me on the river bank flying my June bug while I catch a more favorable dinner.

Growing Up In Arkansas

Growing up in Arkansas

1. You've never met any celebrities.

2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip".

3. "Vacation" means driving to Hot Springs or maybe even Branson...

4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.

5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example, “Well, Conway's only 20 minutes away."

6. Up North to you means Missouri.

7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.

8. You know several people who have hit a deer.

9. You think Arkansas is spelled with an "ah" at the end.

10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

11. You consider riding a mechanical bull true entertainment!

12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"

14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

19. You know in your heart that Arkansas can beat Texas in football.

20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: “Where's my coat at?"

21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.

22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.

25. You went to skating parties as a kid.

26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.

30. You think I-40 is spelled and pronounced "farty."

31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to UT.

32. You think that "deer season" is a National Holiday.

33. You know that you can't get anywhere without going through Little Rock first

34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

36. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."

37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, summer, Still summer and football.

38. You know if another Arkansan is from the Ozarks, Northern, Central, or Southern part of AR soon as they open their mouth.

39.You know that Bill Clinton, Ted Danson's wife, and John Grisham are all from Arkansas.

40. You failed World Geography in school because you thought Paris, London, Bismarck, Nashville, Lincoln, were cities in Arkansas (And they are!)

 41.You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

42. You know what "WOO PIG SOOIE" means and how to call the HOGS.

New Year Food Superstitions

Luck & Prosperity or not?  Folk Lore continues….

According to Folk Lore, the first food eaten on New Year’s Day for luck and prosperity throughout the year ahead is Black-eyed Pea.  In Folk lore I found a couple variations on when we should eat these peas.  One legend states folks must all retire to bed one and half hour before the clock strikes mid-night, failure to do so brings bad luck.  Then they must rise as soon as the day rolls over at 12:01 a.m. and eat a bowl of black-eyed peas and continue eating them throughout the day to ensure luck and prosperity. 

The Southern practice of eating black-eyed peas for luck is believed to date back to the Civil War. These peas were planted as food for livestock therefore the fields of black-eyed peas were ignored as Sherman's troops destroyed or stole other crops.  The humble, but nourishing, black-eyed pea took on an important role as a major food source for surviving Confederates.  For the best chance of luck every day in the year ahead, one must eat at least 365 black-eyed peas on New Year's Day.

As the years have gone by the tradition of eating black-eyed peas for the New Year has evolved into a number of variations and embellishments of the luck and prosperity theme.  They must be served with greens (collards, mustard or turnip greens, which varies regionally), the peas represent coins and the greens represent paper money. In some areas cabbage is used in place of the greens, which is my family’s tradition.  Cornbread, often served with black-eyed peas and greens, represents gold.  Black-eyed peas eaten with stewed tomatoes represent wealth and health. 

In some areas, actual values are assigned with the black-eyed peas representing pennies or up to a dollar each and the greens representing anywhere from one to a thousand dollars.  Had I known this as a child, I surely would have eaten more of them.  Adding a shiny penny or dime to the pot just before serving is another tradition practiced by some. When served, the person whose bowl contains the penny or dime receives the best luck for the New Year, unless of course, the recipient swallows the coin, which would be a rather unlucky way to start off the year.

There is no way to enjoy luck and prosperity if you avoid black-eyed peas!  The catch to all of these superstitious traditions is that the black-eyed peas are the essential element and eating only the greens without the peas, for example, will not do the trick.

Personally, I only eat them about once a year, but even most avid fans of black-eyed peas will concede that enjoying the flavor, frequently described as nutty, earthy and buttery, is an acquired taste. Whether to enhance or disguise the flavor, depending on your point of view, there are several popular ways to serve black-eyed peas, other than as a simple side dish. 

My family prefers rice with the beans, as I research this is often called Hoppin’ John.  You can find it served throughout the year, but Hoppin' John is one of the most traditional New Year's Eve and New Year's Day dishes in the South. Black-eyed peas are cooked with rice, pork (such as chopped pork or ham, hog jowls or hambones, fatback or bacon) and seasonings. Sometimes chopped onions and hot sauce are added.

So, whether you choose to follow the Southern New Year's tradition or not, black-eyed peas are a good source of nutrition. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, black-eyed peas are low in fat, contain no cholesterol, and are low in sodium. They are high in potassium, iron, and fiber and a one-half cup serving of cooked black-eyed peas counts as one ounce of lean meat from the Meat, Poultry, Fish, Dry Beans, Eggs and Nuts Group of the Food Guide Pyramid.

This information led me to discover black-eyed peas are actually not peas at all, but rather a variety of bean related to the cowpea and categorized as legumes, having both edible seeds and pods. According to the Library of Congress, they have been cultivated in China and India since pre-historic times and were eaten by the ancient Greeks and Romans. Early records from 1674 indicate that black-eyed peas were transported from West Africa to the West Indies by slaves. Subsequently, they reached the Low country coastal regions of the Carolinas and Georgia, also via the slave trade, more than 300 years ago.

So, there you have it.  Black-eyed peas are legend, depending on your own personal taste buds.  I certainly hope if you avoid them, you still have luck and prosperity in the coming New Year.  Oh by the way, let me know if you have other traditions as well; and definitely if they don’t work!!

Happy New Year to All!

Tracy Gilbert Brown

Like a Band of Gypsies

LIKE A BAND OF GYPSIES

On any given day, if you sat at the intersection of highway 167 and 270 in Sheridan, I would bet you’d see all types and styles of recreational vehicles going through our city.  During the spring and summer months you can’t blink without seeing a travel trailer, fifth wheel or motor home come through our city west bound for some of the most beautiful lakes in Arkansas.   In the fall, the direction changes a bit and you see the same type of RV’s mostly headed south to squirrel or deer camps.  Some are really nice rigs, while some seem to travel with a bandage and a prayer.  (The owner having bandaged and those stuck behind him saying the prayers). All of them offer one thing to the owner-an affordable chance to get away from their normal routine. 

What is the RV draw?  The love of the outdoors, the freedom to travel from area to area?  Escape from cold, cold winters, or extreme heat? Maybe it’s the big buck, the elusive bass.  Whatever your reason, people from all walks in life go RV-ing.

My husband and I bought our retirement home on wheels in 2006.  We are not near retirement age at this time, but our plans are to travel the United States once we retire.  For us, the outdoors, the tranquility of a lake, the beauty of the changing landscape, draws us to get away from our normal fast paced life. 

During our getaway’s we’ve visited with folks who like camping or RV-ing as some prefer to call it. Many are retired and living the dream my husband and I seek, affordable travel to mysterious destinations.  Some, by economics are living in their RV due to housing costs and travel from RV parks to campgrounds throughout the year.  We’ve made lasting friendships over the years with different travelers who gather at Shouse Ford on DeGray Lake.  Each brings their own special personality to their campsite.  One group of older friends who camp in the early spring comes from different areas of the state.  They have custom built a blue tarp tent large enough for twenty people, where an old moonshine still has been converted to a fire pit and is the center of attention.  Everyone gathers there for the daily fish stories and other such tall tales.

Then you have the man from the Saline County area that made a homemade camper from a former horse trailer frame.  It looks like an outhouse on wheels covered in black tar paper with wood shingles and a large stop sign on the back side.  We heard some were offended and could not believe the park rangers would allow something untraditional like that into the park.  Several watched as he posted three large bamboo poles on his campsite, one that bears the American Flag, the Arkansas Flag and the other a POW flag.  Wasn’t much said about his choice of shelter after those flags went up. 

We have spent spring breaks in the cold rain, even snow, wrapped in blankets while sitting under a tarp canopy with a propane heater keeping us warm just so a group of us can play cards.  We’ve had to keep our feet elevated because of the depth of water running under the picnic table!  Then other years, we are in shorts, out by the campfire roasting wieners over the open flame.  I’m sure all the hunters can relate to these conditions as well!

Regardless of the weather, we are there because there is nothing better than being with family and friends.  Not once have I ever said I’m not going back.  Enthusiastically I tell my family and friends “Let’s go to the lake” and like a band of gypsies we all pack our bags and set forth to our next adventure.

So the next time you are stuck in our local traffic behind any type of RV, don’t complain.  Instead, try to imagine the adventure they are heading too and the fellowship and fun with family and friends you know they will have!  You might find yourself dreaming of the same get away.   

Tracy Gilbert Brown

I'm Doing Okay

I’M DOING OKAY…

On Monday, January 18, 2010, I lost the most enjoyable Uncle. He meant so much to me, and inspired my heart by filling it with laughter. Minutes after he passed away, I walked out onto his carport and sobbing heavily called my Daddy and told him he was now with God. The pain was great, the loss complete, but I turned my thoughts quickly to God and asked Him to comfort me and ease this pain within my heart so that I could help my family accept and heal. I felt the heavy grief that crushed my chest instantly gone and I remember standing in awe of that realization. I knew God took care of me in my hour of need and I completely trusted He would do just that.

From the Friday my Uncle arrived at his home to that Monday feels like a 24 hour blur, even though it was longer. Recognition and acceptance of events to come, and witnessing a positive moment, hearing my Uncle rise and say, I’m doing okay, amazed and shocked us. But now that I reflect on that moment, He was okay, he was at peace and acceptable of the coming events. We had been telling him repeatedly, we loved him and it was okay. I witnessed something then I would later come to realize was God comforting us, showing us that all was going to be okay. (Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4)

Now a week later, the total impact of losing him, the ache of wanting to be with or near him, continue to hear his laughter, just see his face or hold his hand. The longing, the emptiness, I want him back!! The anger, the laughter, the tears, the sorrow, is a cycle I now find myself in. (a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance Ecclesiastes 3:4)

The devil would love for us to suffer and wallow in our grief, he expects it, and uses it to keep us in misery, wants us to fail, he needs our disaster. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that others are undergoing the same kind of sufferings and God comforts them.

I know our time of grief will be undetermined, and the awful truth is that nothing will make the grief go away. I am comforted knowing that God is there to help and sustain us through it. Reach out and take His hand. Let Him hold you and carry you through this. “Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you.” (James 4:8) When the feeling of grief overtakes you, instantly say Lord I need your strength, help me find memories of comfort to overcome, “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." (1 Peter 5:8-11)

We know many people who have suffered a loss.  They are ready and willing to help us through this time of grief.  This is what God promises. “All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)  I think this is a possible reason God allows suffering, to strengthen our faith in Him so that our compassion for others will increase, we will grow in faith of Him and we'll be better able to encourage other hurting people (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

When the sorrow hits me, I pray Lord help me and I begin to “Count my blessings” by treasuring the memories and the laughter. I believe Uncle Tommy would have wanted us to do this. He lived life to the fullest. Remember the fun, his smile, his sense of humor, his last comforting words, “I’m doing okay“. We heard those words for a reason; God comforted us as did Uncle Tommy. Focus on that, not the loneliness of our heart. I also find myself sharing a funny story of him, even if I cry. My co-worker Sharon has shared grief and she is a good Christian friend and listens to my random outpourings.  She doesn’t have to do this, but she is compassionate and growing in her faith as well.

I am also making sure my eating and sleeping habits return to my normal pattern. Settle back down into what was my normal routine. When I can’t sleep, I ask God to take the grief away and give me rest. I believe and trust He will do this, and He does what He has promised. Our body and the mind deals with stress much better when the nutrients needed are there and rest is so very important. Even if we didn’t sleep long, God will give us rest.

Facing a life without a father, a partner, a friend is something we all must deal with at some point in our lives. In the days that follow death, coming to terms with it, the reality of it will be very painful.

You may say “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to begin.” For myself, I know the words “I don’t know” never accomplished anything and I made it a plan years ago to delete them from my vocabulary. (With God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)  I can almost hear Uncle Tommy saying, I don’t know but if it was me….I understand he isn’t with us any longer to finish that sentence, but I believe with all my heart, we heard his words “I’m doing okay“, because he loved us and that should be our guide through our grief and loneliness. Through strength of prayer with God and Uncle Tommy’s words, I’m doing okay……I‘m doing okay.

Last thing I want to say to you is that Uncle Tommy possessed a great sense of humor. Everyone that knew anything about him knew this. He laughed. He would not want us to be miserable. He dealt with all of life’s stress through his own gift of laughter. Find funny memories to comfort you through your grief. They are there-laugh. Laugh at the small stuff even if you end up in tears, you began with laughter. God counts our tears (Psalm 56:8), He keeps them, for they are what makes us who we are. (A cheerful heart is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22).

LAUGH and know…. I‘m doing okay.

Tracy Gilbert Brown
January 29, 2010.